Hilarious Text Jokes For Adults: A Collection Of Laughs!

Humor is a universal language that transcends boundaries and brings people together. In today’s fast-paced world, a good laugh can be the perfect remedy for stress and a great way to bond with friends. Jokes, especially funny text jokes, are one of the easiest ways to share a chuckle with someone, whether it’s through a text, a social media post, or a casual conversation. So, let’s dive into a delightful collection of hilarious text jokes that are sure to tickle your funny bone!

From witty one-liners to clever puns, these jokes are designed to bring a smile to your face. They can be shared during a conversation or sent as a text message to lighten up someone’s day. Not only do they entertain, but they also create moments of joy and connection amongst friends, family, and even coworkers. So, grab your phone and get ready to spread some laughter!

We’ve compiled a list of some of the funniest text jokes tailored for adults. These jokes are not only amusing but also relatable, making them perfect for sharing with your peers. Let’s explore these gems that are guaranteed to bring a smile and a hearty laugh!

Funny Jokes to Text

• A guy knocked on my door today and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.
• I don’t like shopping centers. Once you’ve seen one, you’ve seen the mall.
• Two blondes walk into a building… You’d think one of them would have seen it.
• I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. It turns out books about women's rights shouldn't go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
• Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• I just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
• What animal do you look like when you get in the bath? A little bear.
• Two nuns are sitting on a park bench. A man in a trench coat runs up and flashes them. The first nun has a stroke. The second nun tried, but she couldn't reach.
• My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair. Guess who came crawling back.
• What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind? A maybe.
• I asked my partner if I was the only one she’s/he’s been with. She/he said, "Yes, the others were at least sevens or eights."
• Why don't skeletons fight at parties? They don't have the guts to do it!
• A bossy man walked into a bar, then ordered everyone a round.
• The doctor gave me one year to live with my illness, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
• Why do people love you if you donate a kidney? But if you donate five healthy kidneys, they call the police.
• There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can’t.
• My mom died, but we couldn't remember her blood group type. As she died, she kept telling us, "Always be positive," but it’s hard without her.
• What does a house wear? Address.

Good Hilarious Jokes for Adults

• Today on a drive, I decided to visit my childhood home. I asked the people living there if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face. My parents are the worst.
• What is the first thing a man puts in a woman when they get married? The wedding ring.
• What do cows do on date night? Go to the moo-vies.
• What kind of bees produce milk? Boobees!
• Did you hear about the tree that went into banking? It started its own branch.
• How do you make a pool table laugh? Tickle its balls.
• Who's the most popular guy at the nudist colony? The one who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.
• If you were born in September, it’s pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.
• I hope you have a happy birthday and celebrate the way you came into the world. Naked and screaming.
• What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public? A private tutor.
• Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.
• Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale? You can buy it with no strings attached.
• Why did the squirrel swim on its back? To keep its nuts dry.
• What goes in hard and dry but comes out soft and wet? Gum.
• A naked man broke into a church. The police chased him around and finally caught him by the organ.
• I wish you were my big toe. Then I would bang you on every piece of furniture at my house.
• What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball? She gagged.

Funny Short Jokes for Adults to Text

• What’s the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding? One less drunk.
• I failed math so many times at school; I can't even count.
• What comes after 69? Mouthwash.
• I used to have a handle on life, but then it broke.
• What are the three shortest words in the English language? "Is it in?"
• I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me.
• What is an Australian kiss? A kiss down under.
• Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.
• Always borrow money from a pessimist. They’ll never expect it back.
• What do a near-sighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common? A wet nose.
• My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
• Why should you avoid artists? They tend to be sketchy.
• Did you know the Pentagon was originally going to just be a square, but the contractor kept cutting corners?
• You’re beautiful has U in it, but quickie has U and I together.
• What do quantum whales eat? Planck-ton.
• Do you still believe in love at first sight? Or should I make a point by passing by you again?

Clean Hilarious Jokes for Adults

• What do you call it when a chameleon can’t camouflage? A reptile dysfunction.
• What’s the best thing about Switzerland? I don’t know, but the flag’s a plus.
• What does a perverted frog say? Rubbit.
• I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
• Never argue with a fool. They’ll lower you to their level and then beat you with experience.
• What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know, and I don't care.
• Every morning, I announce that I’m going running, but then I don’t. It’s a running joke.
• Why isn’t your nose 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
• If you jogged backwards, would you gain weight?
• I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
• What is the worst combination of illnesses? Alzheimer’s and diarrhea. You’re running but can’t remember where.
• Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, “Damn,